Real ThotWives of Milton

husband at home, me in a hotel

You might know us as your friendly neighborhood gym manager, day care provider, or glorified secretary, but there is a lot you don’t actually know about us. We are three best friends who you are probably familiar with if you made it to this site, but this is our real story. First some cast introductions are in order to catch everyone up just in case you haven’t had the pleasure of dealing with all three of us.

Yvonne Takacs

Gym manager for Firepower Kids, lazy photog (like my site and facebook page!), spoiled princess with daddy issues, habitually poor liar, gold digger, and general user of people. I would put the married name up here, but you wouldn’t know there was a marriage based on how often there were affairs or one night stands with other guys. Happened often enough that although I lie about it to everyone, I’m not 100% sure who the actual father of my second child is. It could be the husband, or could be the guy I was engaged to in 2018 (before even my separation agreement was done, actually it’s still not) since I started sleeping with him back in 2010, who knows? Currently pursuing any old guy with money, a hot tub, and a cottage, who I can lie to and use and hope he is dumb enough to not catch on. More on me here later, so lets focus on the rest of the bitter bitch committee.


Proudly Irish, good cook, daycare provider, music lover, hair braider, fan of all recreational drugs, and cheerleader for anything my girls do regardless of morality. The only one of the ThotWives that hasn’t fully committed to the physical act of cheating yet despite the attempts to make it happen, so there is that moral high ground to stand on comparatively! Of course that is assuming you can overlook the long running text, email, picture, and masturbation video swapping with an old college professor (Hi Champ!) behind the husbands back. What’s a little jerking off between friends after all?

Angela Knox

Short, sassy, pro at duck lip selfies, sign maker (follow on Instagram @aknoxonwood please!) and queen of long running affairs. Should be considered the OG of the group because the cheating resume is nearly unmatched in consistency. Has been carrying on a 8+ long year affair with Mike who lives across the street, aka the local weed dealer and guy with a hot tub. Her best skill is keeping secrets, even from Colleen who probably is just finding out now about her affair reading this for the first time. Sorry Colleen that’s why Yvonne is BAE after all.

What We Do

So what makes us the The Real ThotWives of Milton, well allow me to provide just a few highlights. Some of our favourite hobbies include sitting around in one of our garages while getting drunk and high so we can record ourselves doing bad karaoke for Colleen’s Instagram followers, petty theft from Shoppers (we call is Colleening since she was he first and taught everyone how) or other stores, making fun of the Milton Mommies Facebook group (we lack total self awareness), gossiping about everyone we know (if you think you are excluded from this, well you’re dumb), and most importantly we encourage and support each other through our various extra marital activities. Lets dive into some examples shall we.

But first, a preview of what’s coming

Angela & Mike

As mentioned previously, Angela has been carrying on a long running and very consistent affair that involved them meeting at one of their houses every Wednesday at lunch and going at it like jackrabbits with tons of lube. Here is Yvonne explaining it to the guy she was having an affair with too because that’s what you do when no one is faithful.

Obviously you should only have affairs when the dynamic is right!
This takes place while everyone was watching football
The cheater mad that her fellow cheater might not be faithful to her???
The exactly is hilariously ironic when you think about it…
She picked a good point to not continue with her history at least *golfclap*
For reference, 7 refers to a one night stand Yvonne had with a guy she met at Niagara Falls on a weekend trip with Colleen & Angela.
The hot tub incident was Angela inviting Yvonne over to Mike’s hot tub. What Yvonne tells people happened is that tops came off and she fingered Ang, but if you think that’s all that happened well that seems unlikely considering this.
Secrets are an issue, Ang told Yvonne, but not Colleen, and wanted to keep it that way.

nothing like bragging about who is cheating this week between friends!

Still think nothing happened in the hot tub with the three of them?

What do you think?
Weird to complain about coming from someone who was doing the same thing, but self awareness isn’t the real thotwives of milton’s strong points.

Colleen & Champ

Now similarly to how Yvonne reached out to Josh with a little encouragement from Ang, Colleen took her queues too and joined the affair party.

This was a late season game in 2016 when Colleen reached out to Champ.
For clarification.
Secret group chats on every app they use, except their actually texts to make it easier to hide from their husbands.
Ahhh pissing matches over who has it worse with their current husbands.
“Nice Shoes” is slang for “want to fuck?”
Don’t be 5, a great example of advise the giver doesn’t follow.
Spoiler: She wasn’t.
What’s this, girl on girl crime between “best” friends?
Colleen takes to posting workout clips to Insta for attention.
Getting mad at the guy you are trying to have an affair with for doing things on social media other than flirting. Hmmmmmm.
Doi being a girl group chat that Josh was invited to.
Gotta dump the stolen goods!
If you ever thought a guys locker room was gross, hang out in a private girl chat.
Gotta wait for the husband to go to bed to “hash” out the situations in the garage in private.
As you may have read about Yvonne’s birthday weekend in 2017 here, these last two discussions are around the singer at the bar after the concert that Colleen was attempting to stalk and ended up running into at a New Years party and was flirting with right in front of her husband.

Yvonne & Josh & more…

My affair goes back the longest, but not by much. My husband and I both met Josh in 2007 on a trip to Vegas not long after we were married, here are a few pics of that night.

Me giving Josh a lap dance in 2007 in the back of a bar

Things my husband didn’t know I was doing behind his back.

It didn’t take long for him and I to bond, but due to distance and giving birth to my first son it took till 2010 until we slept together during another summer Vegas trip. Why would he sleep with me, well I had been telling him my marriage was over for a while, which was just the first of a long string of lies. Things got complicated as I turned up pregnant right after Vegas.

Early in 2011 after the new kid arrived, I reached back out tried to mend the relationship a bit inviting him to come to NY with me to the US Open. I spent time going back and forth with him for the next couple years seeing him on trips and happily taking advantage of his kindness until he got tired of me stringing him along. He quit talking to me and started dating another girl as I kept dancing around being non committal. I ended up meeting her on a trip to a mutual friends wedding, where I proceeded to do nothing but cause problems for him and put a nice wedge in that relationship that proved to be unrepairable, things feel apart for them in a few months.

Maybe a bit short sighted on my part, because once my husband started running low on money I needed a safe landing place and luckily for me Josh’s mothers death provided a convenient opening. So I got back in touch with him and did what I do best, lie and manipulate guys for my personal benefit. First, Angela and I sent him a bunch of nudes of us together, she was up for it without knowing anything about him.

This got us talking again, since I knew he still carried a flame for me I just had to light the spark a bit.

Sometimes I’m good at stating the obvious.

I convinced him to meet me in NY the first week of 2017, where we resumed our affair. Things moved quickly after that as we planned a trip for April.

I didn’t have to wait till the trip in San Francisco, because a few weeks later Josh surprised me on Valentines Day and over my Birthday weekend. This accelerated my timeline to get a divorce from a year to ASAP. Then my first trip to his place in March where I lied to my mom to say I was going to visit a friend in Indianapolis so she would watch my kids, then I broke up with my husband before going to a couples trip to San Francisco in April. In May he visited again and we stayed in a hotel because I couldn’t exactly bring him back to my husbands place since we were still living together. More trips followed once I got my own rental and moved to my own place. Holland, Michigan for a weekend , and one last trip to his place for his birthday where I spent time bonding with his friends and family even going to his daughter doctors appointments, and a couple of long weekends in Toronto and that was how we finished up in 2017. To start off 2018 we planned a trip to his place early in January so we could celebrate Christmas a bit late, and then take a side trip to Chicago where he had scored us tickets to Hamilton. He also proposed that night…

Josh had started the process of trying to gain entry into Canada permanently way back in February of 2017 but things progress slowly and I wasn’t helping by not getting things moving on my divorce paperwork. Josh would ask and I would blow him off, because I wasn’t putting any effort into getting it done even though we found out marriage would be the fastest way. I tell a different story to anyone who asks now, but here is what I was telling him after Chicago about the trip and my feelings.

Oh, Colleen and Angela aren’t as useful to me, but Josh is propping them up, weird.

We planned a family vacation to Florida during Valentines day, my birthday, and wrapping up just before Gator’s birthday. The kids would get a chance to meet and see how they got along. By this time Josh’s kids mom had moved back to where he was so he had full time access to his kids again. The kids all enjoyed the trip, and Josh spent a lot of time at the house bonding with the kids. He tracked down the new Nike shoes I wanted, and also surprised me with a new pair of Air Pods and organized a house party for our friends in Florida to come visit.

Josh had to travel for work in March, so we were not able to do anything that month, but he made his way back up to Toronto in April and we spent a long weekend exploring downtown, playing board games, meeting my brother and his wife, went to Larry and Suzie’s for a night, and a little relaxing downtime with just us. Josh had torn his peroneal tendon on his work trip, so he wasn’t moving around quite at full speed but he still made a good effort to go walk around anywhere I wanted. That would end up being the last time we spent together as a couple.

Josh was fine, but I wasn’t doing anything to help the long distance situation by not trying to get my divorce done, which was delaying his ability to come live here and when he asked about it I got annoyed. In the meantime we had discussed and made a few decisions. The first being how we wanted to handle birth control, so in May Josh had a vasectomy scheduled. Josh was also under pressure to figure out when he was moving because he had to schedule things with his kids. His oldest was graduating and having made it clear we were engaged and moving forward with that to his kids mom, she was looking for other job opportunities out of state like she did in 2010. They were also debating who the kids were going to go with as they both looked to move away.

In late May a few weeks after he had the surgery, just before his son’s graduation, and two weeks before he was scheduled to come see me again I blindsided him by telling him we were done. I told him that it had nothing to do with him, that I had not had the chance to be an adult on my own and needed space, that I jumped from the frying pan and into the fryer, and how could I be a role model to the girls at my gym telling them they need to be a strong independent person when I was relying on him for emotional support. Josh had planned his whole life around me at this point, he tried to be rational and work things out but I cut off contact again.

Josh told me he was still coming in two weeks, he wanted to talk face to face. I told him I he could show up on Thursday, but changed that at the last minute when my mom was visiting. Josh didn’t know this but I had been lying to my mom about him and couldn’t risk them meeting. So I made him come a night later, he spent 13 hours driving to see me. When he got here, I gave him 30 minutes where I acted like I had no clue who he was and treated him like shit again. He wanted to do anything he could to fix things, he offered to give me space and revisit us in a couple months which I agreed to, he said that there would be the expectation of not dating others during that time which I agreed to just thinking Josh would give up on me. Thing was he didn’t realize that that night I was already on my way to stay with my new boyfriend Chris. A man older than my moms husband, but he has money, a hot tub, and I can leech off him right now. I went off to be with him while I so kindly let Josh take a nap at my place, he was there for a couple hours and he drove back home driving 26 hours in a 30 hour window. I didn’t even check to see if he made it home okay.

Josh didn’t give up hope, he held on and kept touching base with me and I’d blow him off. In early November we talked and I agreed to let him come visit me either in December or January. Josh feeling hopeful about things put together a gift box for Christmas full of things for me and the kids. Once he told me he did that in early December I broke the news to him I was seeing Chris and that we just started dating a couple weeks before, but after I told him he could visit. This was obviously another lie. I also started making up a new version of our history, talking about how the engagement suddenly wasn’t good enough, that the Florida trip was a disaster because I did more of the chores in the kitchen even though we agreed to that since he bought groceries, and that I was mad he got up from dinner quickly to go spend time with the kids. I also said I couldn’t wait to get rid of him in April which is completely contrary to everything I was telling him. Thing is if that was true why would I let him go through with his surgery? Why would I wait till after his kids were already scheduled to leave when if I had cancelled this in April like I tell people now his kids mom would have been able to renew her lease and he would still have his kids around instead of 1600km away?

So in the end I had Josh wrap his life around me, used him for emotional and physical support while I left my husband, do anything I wanted, I inserted myself into his children’s lives, got him to have surgery to make my life easier, and I wrecked his life by costing him access to his kids for a second time as they moved 1600km away to Texas. On top of that, I also really hurt his daughter who adored me and had never seen her dad happier and is still heartbroken for him. His son isn’t handling the situation well either. I’m trying to wipe any memory of the relationship off the internet now, deleting threads I made showing off our engagement and blocking all contact from a guy who I might have a kid with.

In the meantime I’m lying to my mom more about needing to travel for work so I can keep dropping my kids off as often as possible so I can suck up to my new guy and make sure he doesn’t catch on to me. If I can keep my methods up long enough, maybe I’ll get knocked up again or he will be dumb enough to propose like Josh was. Now if Josh is Evan’s dad, that’s going to be a whole different problem I’m pretending isn’t possible right now.

I guess Josh at least ended up with something though… since I let him record this on his go-pro for about an hour.

This is why I don’t wear underwear, too many orgasms. I was on about number 11 here.
Good thing the husband was at home for this.

It’s kind of funny when you think about it. I got on Josh for being overweight which he said he could change, and has pretty quickly. I said people don’t change, so I wonder why any guy I’m with thinks I’ll be faithful if the know my history? I mean I have a good line for it if they ask.

#7 was a name I gave to a one night stand I had about a hear before I hooked back up with Josh

I don’t keep promises, never have, never will.