2010 – AKA why I don’t know who my youngest sons father is…

When 2010 came around and it was time to plan my yearly trip to Vegas with my poker friends, I reached out to Josh and started planting some seeds. I was supposed to be bunking in a room with another couple, but I had other plans and Josh was open to letting me stay with him, so after politely staying the first night with as planned I moved to Josh’s suite at the Paris.

We were inseparable for the week, meals, drinks, wandering around, roulette, 3 card poker, Pai Gow, Cirque shows, group poker games and dinners, hang out pool side and watch sports, you name it we did it together.

Me laying on Josh in a poolside cabana.

During the weekend, Josh always was hinting at a wanting a deeper conversation about what we were, and I was mostly just telling him what my marriage wasn’t and then I’d change the subject. I’d tell him I wasn’t happy, and that my husband was okay with me seeing other people. He wasn’t really buying it, but on the last night of the trip we finally got past that. I told him that I hadn’t slept with my husband in 6 months, and one thing lead to another. I ended up telling him “you showed me more passion in 4 hours than my marriage has had in 4 years” the next morning.

Oddly enough I ended up costing Josh money because he made a prop bet with another mutual friend that he wouldn’t sleep with me, well he underestimated that it was basically my goal for the trip and he lost on that.

After leaving we stayed in contact more than ever before, but about two weeks later I told him I had a hunch I was pregnant thanks to my period being late. A couple days later I went to a clinic and confirmed it. I called Josh, panicked and not knowing what to do. Josh was pretty understanding and asked what I wanted to do. We thought about abortion, or that I could say the kid was his no matter what, and use it to get out of my marriage. Josh was willing to go along, but wanted to get a test to find out the father for sure. We spent a few days going back and forth trying to decide what to do. Josh was trying to come up with a plan to be closer to me, so he had a conversation with the mother of his kids about the possibility he might move, if not to the Toronto area then somewhere closer while we figured it out.

Having a bad memory is key to being able to be comfortable doing shitty things to people who never have done them to me.

While that was happening I made a decision not to rock the boat, I was way too comfortable not having to work since I hadn’t in years and I wasn’t sure if Josh was going to be able to give me that, so I cut off contact. I defriended him on all social media and stopped taking his calls.

I got lucky in the sense that he didn’t blow my life up at the time by reaching out to Sam directly. I had told him that if there was any hope for us in the future that he better not do that. He was upset, but ended up having to deal with his own issues. Because of him considering leaving, his kids mother moved out of state within weeks to beat him to the punch. He lost daily access to his kids and ended up getting involved in a rather long and expensive legal battle over it not to mention the now 5 hour drive he would have to take to see them he ended up being pretty busy just trying to be a dad to the kids he already had and that kept him from worrying about the one he might be having.

In Feb my second son was born. To this day, I’m not 100% sure who the father is. If you ask me now I’ll pretend there is no chance that a child who was born 39 and a 1/2 weeks after I had unprotected sex with Josh can be his. But that is obviously counter to other conversations I’ve had.

Colleen wasn’t the first or last to say it to me either.
Oh, it’s like he saw through my bullshit and fell for it anyway, moron.

I always tell people what I do for them when my real goal is always self serving.

Oh it was an issue, because I’m a shitty person and this was one of many lies.

Well now my husband (yea I’m still not divorced two years later) knows that I had the affair and is going to require a DNA test as we head to court.

I even refer to him as Josh’s kid, or I did till it wasn’t convenient anymore.